The Practice of Becoming Real

Iteration, Authenticity, and the Quiet Work of Coming Back to Yourself

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you.”

The Velveteen Rabbit

I have always had a copy of The Velveteen Rabbit, in fact the same copy. A colorful hardcover children’s book that’s lived on my shelf for years. It makes me think of my mom. Maybe it’s the way she loved the story. Maybe it’s how gently she read it. There’s something about it that always felt like her.

The story starts off with a little toy rabbit wanting to be something other than it is. Being influenced by the world and others around it. Its perception is shaped by what others place on it. Believing that to be this “something else” is to be more than it is.

The Skin Horse explains to the Rabbit what it means to become Real. It doesn’t happen all at once. It doesn’t come from being shiny or new or put together. It comes from being loved, truly deeply loved, over time. Loved until your fur rubs off and your stuffing is loose and you no longer care what people think, because you’ve become you.

Authenticity, for me, has felt like this.

It is not something that just happens.
It comes only after letting go of a lifetime building myself through others’ expectations.
It is something I have become, over and over again.
Threadbare. Rebuilt. Braver. Quieter. More Real.

We talk about authenticity like it is just a decision in a long line of decisions.
As if it is easy to un-choose all of the versions we’ve built to survive.
But authenticity is what happens when you stop performing. 

Authenticity is the act of truly loving yourself over time.
Loving yourself until the weight of others’ expectations rubs off.
Loving yourself until your insides are truly reflected outward. 
And allowing others to love you as you are in the process.
And maybe that’s what becoming Real actually is: loving ourselves into being.

During The Boundary Series we laid the groundwork, establishing the structures that make authenticity possible. 
Boundary work is the first step toward authenticity. 
Without boundaries, there is no space for authenticity to root and grow.

The goal of The Authenticity Series is to explore what unmasking can look and feel like and why it’s so much harder than it sounds. 

After lifetimes of iterating toward conformity, turning that work toward authenticity can feel uncomfortable, even terrifying. 

But it’s also incredibly freeing.

Over the next few weeks, we’ll unpack:

  • Why “just be yourself” is a myth (and what to do instead)

  • Cringe culture and the social punishment of being real

  • Masking, unmasking, and the hidden intelligence behind adaptation

  • How to cultivate self-honesty (even when it’s uncomfortable)

And more.

Let’s begin.

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Authenticity Isn’t Easy (And That’s the Point)

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From Boundaries to Blueprint: Internal Work, System Change